Wind Chimes
by lilkyonkyon
Summary: Kyo's POV after he, Tohru, Yuki, Hana and Uo visited the graveyard. Rated for swearing. Subtle spoilers for the end of the anime. Oneshot. Repost. Second Place and Member's Choice in the 2006 UFO Awards.


Again, another story that was originally posted on my Star0307 account. This was posted in the beginning of 2006 and eventually won both Second Place as well as Member's Choice in the UFO Awards for Best Fruits Basket fanfic.

This story is based on the manga. There are allusions to spoilers in here. If you watch the anime, this chapter is the equivalent of episode fifteen, but I have hints that go all the way to the last episode, book six of the manga. This starts with the end of Chapter 24. Kyo's point of view if you didn't know.

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**Wind Chimes**

Today had to be one of the weirdest days of my life. And that's saying something. Why would someone celebrate the anniversary of somebody else's death? I mean, aside from Yuki's anniversary, I'd be angry, not….

Well, I don't know what I was feeling today, but it definitely wasn't anger. It was strange. I haven't felt that way since I was a kid. Even now, I can still sense it—whatever it is—pooling inside my stomach. It's like something's come back to me. Like I suddenly remember how to do something I've forgotten how to do. What is it? What should I call this feeling? I think I used to call it joy, but now I'm not so sure. Oh, well.

But I smiled! I mean, I can't remember the last time I've smiled. Not just smiled, but really… smiled…. And smiling with her, it's strange. It's a strange feeling….

"Hm? Why's she sleeping here…?"

Speak of the devil. Miss Happy passed out right here on the porch. Looks like she was drinking tea or something. Tsh, Tohru even grins in her _sleep_. What a weirdo. I can't think of anybody else who would smile in their sleep. Nobody's _that_ happy.

I wonder why she's so easygoing all the time. She has nothing to be cheerful about. She doesn't have to smile when she's alone.

The wind picks up again. I had heard it inside, so I came out here to listen to the wind chimes. The noise is a lot more soothing than Shigure's random songs about high school girls and his weird hints about something with me and Tohru. I just don't understand him sometimes. But the wind, that's a different story. There's something about the wind that's comforting….

I look down. Now that stupid girl's shivering. God, what's wrong with her?

"Hey. It's pretty windy out here… you'll catch cold." I rub her head. "C'mon, wake up!" All she does is laugh and twitch before she settles back down. Sheesh. She sleeps like a little kid! I close my eyes and massage my forehead. My sigh doesn't even drown out her snoring. This is almost embarrassing. Thankfully, no one is here to listen to this. Well, there's me, but I don't count. When have I counted for anything? Never.

She snores even louder this time. I cock my right eye open and glare at her. Can't I think in peace? That's why I came out here, to think. She knows that I like this spot, so why would she sit here and take over? I like to be alone and she knows it.

Ah, what's the point of complaining? I'm not mad at her.

I'm not mad.

Why is that? If it were anybody else, anybody at all, I would be furious. Whoever it was would get what's coming to them: a fist in the face and a nice string of profanity to go with it. And if it were Yuki—which he'd probably sit out here just to piss me off—I'd go ballistic on his ass.

But not her.

I'd probably _pretend_ to be mad or something, but I wouldn't be aggressive. I wouldn't have to be. She'd probably end up giggling before she apologized and left. And I'd want her to leave. I like to be alone. No one gets hurt that way. Everybody's happy without me. I don't want to hurt anyone else.

Especially not her. She's so… nice to me. But it's more than that. She trusts me, too. She trusts me not to hurt her. Why else would she be comfortable sleeping out here, right in my spot? It's because she knows I won't hurt her. She actually believes in me. What a shame to waste that on the cat. The dirty, rotten, fucking cat.

But she does.

All the time.

And I let her. There was that one time at school… two weeks ago? Three? I promised I would look out for her then. I promised I would protect her….

Oh, God.

I let her in. I let her into my life. Now she's twisted up in all of this mess. What did the wave-freak say? Chaos…? Yes, that's it. My life is chaos. Anyone who gets near me gets caught up in the mind-numbing confusion of my curse. The cat really is stupid. Shit! If she gets any closer to me and finds out about the other part of the curse….

No, I can't think about that. Dammit! Okay, okay, think… what to do? I promised I would protect her! I hate breaking promises, but I guess I'll have to. She can't know about me…. I have to push her away, get rid of her, make her hate me. Then she won't care then, she won't get scared and leave if she finds out. Okay… sounds alright. But… I don't want to hurt her….

Stupid cat! God _damn_ it! I _have_ to! I let her get too close to me! I have to stay alone. I have to be _alone_! That's the only way.

I can't even apologize to her for this mess. I won't get to say I'm sorry for hurting her. Well, come to think of it, I've never really apologized to her for anything I've done. That hole in the ceiling, that time I told her I couldn't stand to look at her… and now I'll never get the chance to say it to her.

Well… maybe I can now…. Is she still sleeping? Good. I can tell her while she's asleep. Then she won't really know about it, will she? Yes, that'll work. But after this, I can't be nice anymore. After this, I'm the bad guy again.

"Hey," I whisper.

Nothing. She's still out cold. She doesn't seem to hear, but maybe her dreams can. I bend over, closer to her ear, her face. "I'm sorry… okay?" Her only reply is a soft snort and a nose twitch. She makes me smile.

I straighten up. This'll be the last time I'm going to be tolerable to her. From this point on, she won't get anything else out of me. Ever.

Maybe I should leave her alone now. If she wants to sleep out here, I'll let her. My final act of kindness, I guess. This is the last one. That's it.

But I don't stand up. I don't leave. Instead, my hand finds its way to her forehead to push her hair out of her face. I don't think I've said it enough to her.

I'm sorry, Tohru. I'm sorry I can't be there for you. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused. I'm sorry for all the pain you'll feel. I'm sorry you got to close to the stupid cat. I'm so sorry….

…How much time has passed? The breeze keeps sailing by, playing an odd song with the chimes. Mesmerizing, in a way. My hand won't move from her face. I can't get up to leave. But I'm not tired. Instead, that odd feeling inside of me is getting stronger. I'm actually feeling… something beyond it, beyond this 'joy'. Something I've never felt before. I wonder what it could be. What should I call it? What should I call this feeling still sleeping in my undeveloped heart? The flower in my heart….

Maybe this is true happiness.

What a shame I'll never feel it again. I can't touch her after today. I can't talk to her. This is it. I have to go back to being me. Or have I changed…? Oh well, it doesn't matter. I have to become the outcast, the boy who everyone hates. I have to be alone again.

But I don't want to. I can't leave her side, even though this is for the best. So much for having a friend.

Aw, shit. I'm crying now. I rub the tears out of my eyes. The wind picks up a little more and Tohru frowns and scoots closer, almost onto my lap. I'd better go before I get stuck here. I'd better go now.

Damn.

Damn, damn, damn.

I really hate this. I hate being alone.

Before I get up, I grab her tea cup. This is the last thing I'll do for her. The last good deed. This is the least I can do in exchange for everything that she's given me. I brush her hair out of her face and a drop of water hits her cheek.

Stupid tears.

I back away to go inside. I can't stop looking at her. What's wrong with me? This is the end. It's over.

I guess this is good-bye, Tohru. This is it. We can't be friends anymore. Things have to change now. This is for the better. Please trust me.

"Good-bye."

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Only edited for minor grammatical errors. Thanks for reading, and please review!


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